i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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