and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
