I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
My vagina is very pro this idea
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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