I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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