So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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