Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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