sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
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