He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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