apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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