You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
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I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
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My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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