he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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