I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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