I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize
