Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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