obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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