Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
