Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
