He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
