I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
