i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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