A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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