phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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