Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
