nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
