I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
