yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
