Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
