My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
