Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
