So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
the liver wants what the liver wants
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
