You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
