I wish I only lived at night.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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