Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
