Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
