Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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