gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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