I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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