Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
