I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
