I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
