I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Randomize
