I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
