***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
