mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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