cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
