Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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