I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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