i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
