can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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