Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Randomize
