If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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