dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
