He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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