It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
