my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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