Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
