Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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