New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
