god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
