just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
