I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Randomize
