so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
