I wish my penis had an off switch
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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