it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
