She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
