You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
