honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
