I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
