Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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