For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I just want nice things and good sex
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
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