sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
