I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
