what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
