I hate your face
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
