I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
