and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
