Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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