Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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