Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
