everyone is single if you try hard enough
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
PANTIES FOUND
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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