Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
